Northeastern behavioral science educator Kristen Lee offers insights on how to deal with the stare young adults sometimes give others.
Perhaps you’ve experienced it while asking for change at the grocery store or ordering a meal at a restaurant. Or maybe you’ve seen it from the Gen Zer in your life.
The Gen Z stare is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a term used to describe the vacant look a Gen Zer gives in response to a question or statement. The phrase has caught fire online and sparked conversation about why younger adults do this.
Kristen Lee, a behavioral science teaching professor at Northeastern University, agrees with the theory that this response is likely a result of the pandemic and society shifting to more online interactions, a change that limits opportunities for connecting in person.
“There might just be less opportunities for in-person interactions and many more for on the screen and technologically driven,” Lee said. “There’s all these advances in the ways we can communicate, live and work. I think particularly for the upcoming generations, including Z … they’ve been raised with less in-person social interactions than generations past.”
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But is this an impossible barrier to overcome when it comes to connecting? Not in Lee’s opinion. Gen Z might be more gifted in areas like navigating new technology, but less certain of how to make small talk with an employee who asks if they need help while shopping, as one TikTok pointed out.
“I hope people will just think about literacies and ways that they can connect better because that is so important rather than overgeneralizing,” she said. “It takes time to get to know people and build a rapport and then build a relationship. (We need to) give ourselves time to understand each other better, because if we understand each other better, we’ll treat each other better.”
Gen Z content creators have offered other explanations for this stare. Some have said it’s a way to avoid confrontation or dealing with irate customers when working in customer service.
Lee said this could be emblematic of another shifting social norm.
“It can be helpful to recognize different perceptions and ‘confrontation dread’ that could cause someone to pull back and retreat,” Lee said. “Sometimes generational biases or ageism could play a role here, assuming the worst of each other, like the ‘OK, boomer’ and ‘snowflake’ stuff. Those generational tensions call us to think strategically about how we may have reciprocal empathy and how it comes down to the question of how you bolster your communication.”
Additionally, more young adults have social anxiety, which Lee said is the fastest-growing anxiety disorder.
But the key, she said, is to not start making assumptions about someone’s response based on their age. A blank stare could be the result of introversion, someone’s neurodivergence, or simply not hearing someone.
“If we’re kind of being met by this stare or resistance to engage, we might perceive it as unfriendliness or … as disrespectful,” Lee said. “The key thing is knowing the value and the protective nature of microinteractions. If there is a human yearning for better interaction, which I would posit that most humans want, then I think it’s important to not make a rash decision on why behavior is happening. There are often many reasons for behavior, and I think we have to watch out for what’s known as confirmation bias.”
Perceiving the “Gen Z stare” as awkward or rude and reacting to it as such is not going to make it better, Lee added. Instead, she said people should try to approach these interactions with “generational empathy” and awareness that norms might be different for people of different ages.
Additionally, trying to have positive social interactions is helpful.
Lee said research has shown that passing social interactions are good for people and can increase their sense of longing and community, so even quiet people might be yearning for this. Additionally, she said experts have also found that positive interactions with adults can also help developing young adults.
“The key is not making rash generalizations or judgements,” Lee said. “If you have a yearning to connect better, just taking time, slowing down, asking open-ended questions, and approaching with more tenderness could be an interesting way to help build a rapport and level of comfort that each communicator could enjoy.”